if anyone out there actually reads this

tell me what names you like. I really like elliana laura (maybe call her elly?)but maybe there is something better? and Natasha throws me. I like natasha jordan but I dont know if eric will. I have always loved the name natasha so thats no problem but she needs a middle name. I really like the name journey but eric probably wont. its hard with both girls names ending in A. I dont like names like marie or anne for middle names. I like to be unique. I havent talked to Eric but something I read someone else did was ask the child if they wanted a new american name. then together they came up with a name both liked. If they want to stay natasha and elliana thats ok too but still will give them an American middle name. if they want a new name we will put their other names to middle names so they are never really gone. part of the fun of having kids is naming them. lord knows there is plenty of other stuff that needs doing but when you have a moment to dream you start naming.... so help me out! tell your friends to help me out too!

sorry little madeline

we just cant leave the big girls that we already know and spent so much time with. we think of them in everything we do. we have thought of them every day since we left them. that has to mean something. we cant leave them. Which means we must leave madeline behind as she is in a different region. so PLEASE someone go get madeline and make her your own!

so now I am working and preparing for and thinking about the girls. working hard at getting the basement back together. once that is done we can get stuff out of the living room back into the family room making the upstairs more open and less cluttered as well as the boys room. then there is my room. ugh. always a disaster. I have my stuff, erics stuff, sophies stuff(she sleeps in there) my craft stuff, the tv and entertainment center, my night stand piled high with stuff my dresser piled with stuff. Got most of the family room cleaned up and cleaned out today. now as soon as we get the girls room finished all that crap goes back in there.

Struggling

do we bring home these two girls? while I am not afraid of their special need(that I do not need to disclose here) I am afraid of their ages. I am just worried about a whole host of things and do not feel elated like I did with Sophie and Ben. While these were really two great little girls at the orphanage how will they fit into the family? For whatever reason I still feel pulled to Madeline. I have this vision of wild things taking off in airports from me. although they didnt act at all like that when we were there. Eric is worried that the community at large will be less than understanding about their special need. and I do not care about loveloss here in this town. they can not reject what they have not yet accepted. so life wouldnt be any different that way. I can see them in summer running out and playing in our yard on our play stuff and jumping on the trampo. I think being older 7,8 they will stick to each other and shut out maia. Sophie and Ben have become Maias bestest friends. I just dont know. I dont know what to do. I talked a little with Eric but we dont have a lot of time during the week to talk to each other alone. It isnt adopting again. I am all for that. BUT rather who to adopt. do we bring home the girls? really we say the girls and each person in the family knows exactly who "the girls" are. do we bring home madeline? someone else? no one? I am just feeling a lot of confusion about the whole thing.

my goofy reply to a roll call

I am Tam(Tam I am)
Married to Eric
I stay at home
he's a doc at the clinic.

His Hers and Ours
thats how things are
We came together
we know we can go far.

Josh and Danielle
came with him
Now off to college
sink or swim.

Cody 15, Chrysta 13,
brought with me
real good kids
who love our family.

Ethan is 7
from Russia with Love
Maia is 5
a gift from above.

Ben is just 6
Sophie is 4
they lived in Ukraine
but not anymore.

Natasha and Elliana
we hope will join us
from Ukraine,
but these are the things you can not explain.

Nice to meet you
I wont recall your name
some days you know
I just try to stay sane!

this is my own goofy attempt
to help you remember
who we are
where we went.

names

ok so I am a girl and a girl who loves words so I couldnt help myself. we are not planning to change their name only to lose the patronymic and give them an American middle name of our choosing. if THEY should choose to be called that name that would be fine, but if not then we will continue to call them what they have always been called and thats AOK too. so I am thinking Natasha Jordan and Elliana Laura. subject to change in the next ten seconds or any time thereafter lol. I also like Natasha Kate but I have Maia catherine who I call maia katie.

feeling a little more at peace

thinking of leaving our girls there knowing what kids with their medical issues face, after we have already met them and loved them, is just too crushing for us. We watched them blossom before our very eyes when we were there getting Ben. and all the kids are on board to bring them home. unfortunately Madeline is nowhere near them. we really have to get our girls. maybe Eric will consider a third. and we could travel blind for that one. I think when everyone goes off to school next year Sophie is going to be VERY lonely and a little one for her to play with would be nice. Ben and Maia are her best buddies right now and they go to Kindergarten next year. So wont someone please bring home beautiful madeline from Reecesrainbow.com? she has the most darling smile. she needs a mama! someone go get that angel PLEASE!

miss maddy

while I am thrilled at the prospect of going back to where we were to bring home the girls, I really want to bring home Maddy. I want her to be my own. just like My Sophie. She isnt in the same place as the girls though. it hurts my heart to think of leaving ANY Of them behind. but Miss Madeline is such a darling thing. and she needs a mama too. but how could I think about leaving our girls there knowing they wont hve a home or future. feeling torn.

Our girls by heart!

We brought home two kids from Eastern Europe and they are super great kids. We love them so much. But when we were there we met two young girls who also need a home. We have been waiting to hear word of them and details. We have heard they ARE available. We have also heard a little about their health. We hope to go back and get them and bring them home. They have been "our girls" and in our hearts since we left there. Ben is excited to think about them coming home to live with us. He misses them. they were 6 and 7 when we left them. I dont know when their birthdays are.